Scary Fangirls
by IrisEclipsed
Summary: [Oneshot] To avoid rabid fangirls Sasuke claims he is gay . . . With Naruto. And he has to kiss the dobe to prove it. [Sasuke x Naruto]


A/N: My first shounen-ai fic! I am a huge lover of Sasuke x Naruto, almost as much as I love Neji x Tenten, but I can also see Sasuke x Sakura and Naruto x Hinata, so I'm kinda conflicted on who should really end up with who. I don't think Masashi Kishimoto will do shounen-ai pairings, so it'll probably be SasuSaku and NaruHina.

Only barest hints of shounen-ai if you're squirrelly about it.

Disclaimer: I don't own.

XXXXX

**Sasuke POV**

XXXXX

The stupid fan girls are after me again and I think my legs are going to fall off from running away so much. This is _very_ uncharacteristic Uchiha behavior because Uchiha are taught from a young age to stand and fight no matter the circumstances . . . But this is dire. I'm sure insane girls qualify in the category of 'things you can run away from'.

My predecessors would be so proud.

As usual, the dobe is running by my side. Not to avoid the fan girls, they didn't give a damn about him, but to avoid being trampled over _by_ them. He's screaming obscenities about women, about me and about how shitty this all is because it's Saturday and it's _supposed _to be a day of relaxation and no work. Kakashi even gave us the day off. It was probably a self-serving sort of thing because I could swear I saw him in front of his perverted bookstore checking out the next book in the _fabulous_ Icha Icha series. Damn lazy bastard.

I grab the collar of Naruto's loud orange jacket and tug him with me into an alley to hide behind a disgustingly foul smelling dumpster.

Cliché.

The mob of girls screaming my name in high-pitched voices passes by us and grows more distant.

"Teme," Naruto pants, trying to catch his breath, "I am _never_ walking with you around Konoha _ever_ again." Sweat is beading on his brow and his bright blonde hair sticks to his forehead. Naruto's face is red, like he's blushing. I find it . . . Very distracting.

"Fine by me." I reply. "I didn't ask you to come."

"Yeah, well I was trying to spend more time with you!"

I wonder if he knows his innocently spoken words could be taken two ways.

"Next time don't bother." I say. My words come out sharper than I anticipated. It's not that I'm completely against spending time with Naruto, it's alright on missions, but I'm a bit agitated because I'm sweaty, I feel gross and the sun is high in the sky. It's really hot and I'm sitting with my back against a dumpster. The smell is simply _divine_.

"Sasuke-teme, you're an _ass_." he replies.

His nose wrinkles from the smell around us and I find it . . . This sickens me . . . Cute.

"Tell me something I don't k—"

"_There he is!_"

Naruto and I are immediately on our feet but it's too late. Crazy girls surround us like dogs and there's a mad glint in their eyes. Some of them look like they're ready to pounce on me and I casually move myself behind Naruto, partially, so I could use him as a human shield and make my escape if necessary.

"_Sasuke-kun!_" they call, voices low and husky, high and squeaky, motioning for me to come to them.

I blanch at the calls, acid burning in my throat.

"Sasuke-kun!" Familiar pink hair bobs in the crowd until Sakura's face, followed by Ino's, appears. "Are you ok?"

"Hn." Some random girl faints when I glare at her.

"_Please go out with me!_"

"_I love you!_"

"_Sasuke! You're so hot!_"

"If you come with us," Ino says seriously, offering her hand, "then we won't have to use force."

Ok, enough was enough. If I didn't take a stand here then I'd be stalked the rest of my life.

I get an absurd idea.

"I'm gay." I say loudly, watching as looks of horror appear on some faces, shock and interest on others. "I'm gay," I repeat.

"No," Ino whispers in shock, "you _can't_ be!"

"I am." I hate the way I've had to repeat myself. It's irritating.

"With who?" one girl demands, placing her hands haughtily on her hips.

There was only one guy I could think of. "Naruto."

He turns to me with a look of complete mortification on his face. I know it was a shitty choice, especially since the girl he likes, Sakura, is right there but he was the only guy I could think of. Somehow I'm not as repulsed as I thought I would be saying that.

"Prove it!" another girl yells.

The lot of them roar, "_Kiss Naruto!_"

My ears must be stuffed or something because I swear I just heard them tell me to kiss Naruto. One, no one tells me what to do, two, I don't swing that way, and three, just, no. The dobe is also in a similar state and adamantly denies what I've just said, but the girls just don't believe him and say it's ok to be shy but that he's already out of the closet. It makes me want to laugh.

"No," I say darkly and Naruto looks relieved.

"You're _gay_, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asks, wide-eyed. "I never knew . . . And with Naruto? How did you two hide it?"

"It wasn't easy, I'll tell you that." Naruto says, joking obviously, but the fan girls eat it all up and demand once again that we kiss to prove that I'm telling the truth. I shoot him a withering glance and he flicks me off in return.

Sakura eyes me for a second and then smugly says, "You're lying, Sasuke-kun!" She's looking at my neck and I know she sees the only part of me that can give away my lie.

The back of my neck turns slightly red when I lie or when I'm embarrassed. It's not often, but the fact that she's been able to pick up on it is disturbing enough. I _detest_ her at the moment.

"Hn."

"Ah-ha!" Ino yells triumphantly. "I'm g—"

All at once they start yelling at each other and debating who should have me. I'm used to it by now but the dobe keeps staring at me wide-eyed.

"Aren't you worried?" he hisses into my ear. "They're going to get you!"

His breath tickles my skin and involuntarily I feel a shiver crawl down my spine.

Weird.

"Mind your own business." I hiss back, pissed off at our predicament. Naruto looks at me, and then his light blue eyes turn to the bickering girls. Wheels seem to be churning inside his head and I can tell he's debating within himself what to do. Oh god, I hope he's not thinking about doing what I think he's about to do . . .

"Hey!" he yells, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify the sound. "_Hey!_"

All the girls shut up, _finally_, and they look to the dobe, bored.

"What?" one asks.

"If me and Sasuke," I can tell it took a lot of effort to get my name out, "do something for you guys, will you let us go?" Naruto asks, a pleading look upon his face. It works wonders on the girls and I find myself fascinated with it.

They talk amongst themselves and the dobe and I wait.

"Why did you say that?" I ask, shoving my hands into my pockets. "Now they're going to think of some crazy thing for us to do—"

"It was the only way!" he snaps.

I want to point out the many flaws of his plan but I bite my tongue as the girls face us again.

"We've decided," Sakura and Ino are the ringleaders, "that you two have to kiss each other."

This was _exactly_ what I wanted to avoid.

Naruto's jaw seems unhinged from the rest of his face, it's fallen so low, so I elbow him in the mouth for his stupidity.

"B-But we're—" he stutters trying to find the right words. "No! We can't!"

Sakura stalks up to his and grabs him by the front of his shirt and tugs him so his face is close to her own. There are a few whispered threats from Sakura and Naruto stands as far away from her as possible when she lets him go, looking scared having been severely chastised. I wonder what she told him . . . I need to learn how Sakura can shut him up with fear so completely.

I stare at the sea of girls and try to ignore their eager faces, but it's hard. Some of them who are kunoichi have scrolls out, ready to summon weapons and perhaps poison to paralyze us. Is this how far they'd go to get me to kiss Naruto and/or get me to go out with them? I fear for my life now somewhat, and I turn to face Naruto and his guilty and apologetic expression.

"Dobe," I mutter threateningly and he cringes.

"Sorry, Sasuke-teme. I thought it would work."

"Obviously you didn't think it through enough and this is where your brilliant plan has gotten us." I say, annoyed. I can't seem to get the special derogatory speech that I use to beat him down out of my mouth because he's looking at me with saddened eyes and the expression on his face is—it's just impossible for me to yell at him for his stupidity.

"Do we _really_ have to kiss?" he asks, dejected.

"What do _you_ think?" I ask sarcastically, motioning to the girls. One is salivating from the mouth and I recoil in disgust; a yaoi fan girl if I ever saw one. "Get over here." I command.

Naruto slinks over, head bowed, to stand by my side.

I'd make this quick so we could leave. I place my hands on either sides of his face and force his head up so he has to look at me. Naruto's blue eyes are startling and I'm mesmerized by them for a moment before I remember myself. I roughly press my lips to his, running my tongue along his bottom lip on whim, and I throw some smoke bombs down. They explode and gray smoke spreads throughout the area. I grab Naruto's wrist and drag him to the mouth of the alley.

Girls are screaming and blindly trying to find their ways out of the smoke and I let a smirk appear on my lips as I watch their futile struggle.

Naruto stares at the alley, then gapes at me. "If you had those from the start why didn't you use them?" he demands.

"_You_ were the one who had them. I had to _take_ them from you, dobe."

"Oh." He blushes and, I don't know whether or not he did it on purpose, he touches his lips. "Well that's not happening ever again!" Naruto says with finality.

I take in his eyes, his wild blonde hair and the slight color on his tanned cheeks.

"Hn." I respond.

We'll see about that.

XXXXX

A/N: Ah, so what do you think? Please review!


End file.
